Give it all to Him, because He loves you and cares about everything you care about.

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And I’ve been reminded by that still small voice lately that I need to give it to Jesus…

• It doesn’t matter how bad the situation, give it to Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter how good the options, give it to Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter if this seems like an answer to your prayer, give it to Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter if it’s so different from what you expected, give it to Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter if it’s a perfect opportunity, once in a lifetime, give it to Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter if it’s a life and death situation, give it to Jesus.

The same Jesus that cares about every concern in your heart, the same Jesus that is always willing to listen, and always wiling to give you all He has…that same Jesus calls you to give it all to Him…

⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is ^[c]near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all ^[d]comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

The best way I know to let your concerns go is to pray for, and focus on others…

please join me in praying for these women, they need you.

No one wants to be lonely…sometimes though we fight loneliness with the wrong things.

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There was a time when I was sure if you looked up the definition of loneliness in the dictionary you would see my face right next to it… I mean the one guy…the one guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with…and well…it didn’t work out…the one guy I had planned so much around…and well…it didn’t work out…

so now here I was trying to make dinner plans by myself. Here I was rejecting invitations to events since I was no longer “in a couple.” Here I was wondering maybe perhaps he and I could be “friends” again and…you know…just hang out as friends…

I couldn’t remember what I had done before him, and couldn’t imagine what I would do without him…but thankfully life went on, and not only did I survive, I was able to look back, smile, and realize that everything worked out really well.

If you’re going through a break up right now, I’m sure it’s really hard. You’re thinking you’ll never be alright, you’ll never survive the loneliness, life will never be worth living…

I hope I can encourage you with my story, that yes breakups are hard, but you are incredibly valuable whether or not you’re dating someone. You can fight the loneliness and you can beat it!

Need some help dealing with the loneliness? click here

*THIS IS A SERIES ON BREAKUPS, YOU CAN READ THE OTHER POSTS ON BREAKUPS HERE.

Stay friends with your ex…if you want to continue crying yourself to sleep.

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One of the biggest lies that popular culture tells us is that breaking up with someone is simple and it happens casually everyday. You know how it goes: it doesn’t work out, we break up, I date your best friend, we’re all friends and we sing kumbaya together around a bonfire in your apartment…

LIES!!!

one of the hardest things I had to deal with in breakups was realizing that I could not remain friends with people I dated…and that was okay. We can become friends later in the future…like maybe when we’re both 90 and our grandkids find themselves on “spacebook” (or whatever social media tool we’ll have). You catch my drift?

You may not understand why you can’t be like everyone else, and why this breakup is affecting you so much. I mean everyone else seems to be able to stay friends with their exes…well good for them…but for you and me here’s the deal, as soon as it’s over pack up your stuff, give him his stuff and run.

Don’t meet to talk things over…or to return stuff…or to just hang out and dave & busters…yeah he might say you’re being dramatic…but it’s up to you to protect your own heart, and if he doesn’t understand…well…it’s a good thing he’s your “EX.”

*THIS IS A SERIES ON BREAKUPS, YOU CAN READ THE OTHER POSTS ON BREAKUPS HERE.

Have you ever tried to stay friends with an EX? how did it work out?

Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

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I used to think that time made things better, that in time I would forget the pain of past breakups, and forget the life trajectory that seemed to have been unexpectedly lost forever, so I waited for time to pass…

until one day I found out that I wasn’t invited to a roommates graduation because my ex was engaged to her best friend…and I found myself crying uncontrollably at Bible study…yeah time had gone by, and I had temporarily forgotten how much it hurt, but when the pain returned, it returned with a vengeance…

Time doesn’t heal wounds, it only places layers of temporary amnesia on your wounds…but when you get just the right amount of pressure the giant monster that was sleeping below the surface arises…and boy will it be a giant…

The good news is that although time doesn’t make it better there is something that  can make it better…

God can make it better…only God can. See although many people have felt heartbreak, no one can truly understand the depths of your despair like God can. No one is better at seeing how you messed up, and still embracing you and letting you know how much you’re loved. No one can talk to you 24/7 about the pain in your heart and give you the perfect advice for the exact situation you’re in.

Won’t you let God show you how much he loves you? I promise he will never say “I told you so.”

*THIS IS A SERIES ON BREAKUPS, YOU CAN READ THE OTHER POSTS ON BREAKUPS HERE.

What do you think?

One of the most painful phrases in the world is “I told you so.”

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I once dated a guy who made it his life’s goal to stand me up…consistently. But I was smitten. I didn’t like that he stood me up or kept me waiting, but he always made up for it with the most amazing stories of life and death emergencies.

Many of my friends told me he was no good, and one of my friends even said that I was like a dog returning to my vomit….ahh well I guess I liked the smell of vomit. Needless to say he broke my heart many many times, and when we finally stopped dating there were many people to remind me that they had “told me so.”

If all your friends have to say is “I told you so,” you need to find new friends. A true friend knows what they told you, but they care more about the pain in your heart. So in this challenging time, find friends you can cry with and hold on to. Friends that will not tell you how dumb you were for staying with this person (since I’m sure you’re already beating yourself down enough).

You may have to get back in touch with friends that you had ignored for a while since you were too “busy” with your beau…but that’s okay, a true friend will understand.

*THIS IS A SERIES ON BREAKUPS, YOU CAN READ THE OTHER POSTS ON BREAKUPS HERE.

How have your friends helped you in your break ups?

please feel free to share here and share this post with friends who may be going through a break up.

One of the hardest things about breaking up with someone is that you lose a best friend.

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I remember when me and “should-have-been-the-love-of-my-life” broke up, I did not realize how much I would miss talking to him about every single detail of my life. I remember calling him in the middle of the night to share the most profound dream (of which I currently remember nothing but I’m sure it had something to do with the meaning of life)…and he was so patient…

Now all of a sudden I had no one to share my profound dreams with. I had no one to share my fears, to complain to, to roll my eyes at I mean to smile at, to plan the future with…all of a sudden I was future-less and alone in the cold cruel world…at least that’s how I felt…

There’s nothing in this world harder than a break up, except perhaps the death of a loved one (perhaps), but will you trust me when I say it will be okay?

Will you trust me when I say I understand you feel like crap, and you probably want to jump into the arms of any guy who shows a little bit of interest? Will you trust me when I say one day you’ll look back and realize that letting go was the right decision…maybe not the easiest but the right one? Will you trust me when I say the pain will subside?

stay strong…the pain will subside.

*This is a series on breakups, you can read the other posts on breakups here.

What is your best advice for someone going through a break up?

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I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about how all of a sudden people are getting concerned about my singleness… People are trying to “hook me up” with distant relatives from all over the world…People are praying for me…and talking to me as if my life must be full of misery since marriage is the main purpose of life.

And she said something so profound…she told me that I’m not on anyone else’s timeline… it was something so simple yet so incredibly profound.

There are some people that made a good choice getting married at 16, and others that it was not a good choice…there are people that decided to marry at 40, and others that getting married at 40 was not a good choice either.

Life is organic and just because one way worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you. Just because someone expects something for you doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you. No matter how well-intentioned they may all be they don’t have to live your life.

We’re all walking our own paths, on our own timelines… God knows I had to apologize to a guy I dated when I was younger because of how horribly I treated him…and trust me if we had gotten married at that age (which we thought we would) I would have completely ruined his life…

See I know I will get married one day…it may be next week or when I’m 97, and I know that whenever it is, there will be an amazing celebration…not because my life can finally start, but because a new chapter will begin…

I’m sure there are people pressuring you now about why you’re still single, or why you’re not dating any guy that asks you out, and why you’re being just so picky… remember that you’re not on their timeline, you’re on yours…and yes people may be disappointed that you don’t follow their timeline, but when they come to you just tell them that you’d rather cut off your own limbs than date their perverted little cousin who spends a little too much time hugging the women in the church…

or you can smile and say “thank you” and move on with your life.

So how do you deal with the “when are you getting married?” questions?

Need some help dealing with loneliness? Click here

I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.- Bob Goff

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A few years ago I got a temporary job in a city that I had been planning to move to for so long. My brother suggested I stay in a hotel since it was a temporary job, but I knew I would get a permanent job soon, and I was ready to be on my own, so I ignored his advice got an apartment and moved to the city…

Three days later, the temporary job (which was supposed to last for at least a month), ended abruptly. There I was stuck with a brand new 12-month apartment contract, and no job. It was depressing…more so because I knew my brother would say “I told you so.” But when I finally got up the nerves to leave my sweltering apartment (ummm…yeah the AC is for people with jobs) and tell my brother about the situation, he never once said “I told you so.”

We spend so much time trying to fix people, trying to make them into whom we think they should be, trying to show them everything they did wrong…when really the best thing we can do for people is just to be there. Yes they’ll make mistakes, but we all do. Yes they’ll make decisions you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Yes they’ll want your advice sometimes and reject your advice other times, and that’s okay.

I recently started reading “Love Does: Discover a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world” by Bob Goff*, and let me tell you that every chapter has left me thinking about how awesome God is, how much He loves me, and how glad I am that He’s sent me wonderful people to remind me of His love.

The book is full of Mr. Goff’s life experiences, struggling to get into law school, struggling to figure out what to do with his life, struggling to figure out who God is… and through it all I can’t help but smile.

The book is an easy read, but you’ll want to take your time with it, and let things marinate. I’m only halfway through the book and wanted to write a review after the first chapter…I’ll probably write another review when I’m done with the book…but in the mean time, I pray you realize how much God truly loves you and how valuable you are to him.

Do you have friends or family you can always turn to, and who never say “I told you so?” please share your story, and feel free to rate and share this book review.

*Thomas Nelson provided me with a free book to review

do yourself a favor and grab a copy.

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I used to have asthma when I was younger. My asthma was really bad, and I have a nickel-sized dead patch of my lung to prove it. It’s hard to explain how delicious air can feel when you’re so deprived for so long. It’s hard for people who’ve never had that intense shortness of breath to truly understand and appreciate what it’s like to be able to drink in full breaths of air. God healed me many years ago, and everyday I’m alive and breathing normally all I can do is be thankful…

A few days ago I was with a young girl struggling with asthma. I told her that I used to have asthma and told her that what really helped me was trying to force my lungs to take in the air. I would pretend like I was blowing a really big balloon and would have to force my inflamed airways to take in as much air as I could. I let her know that I understood how hard it was but that I could see she was working really hard, and that she was doing a very good job…

Perhaps it was because I had many people encouraging me when I had asthma that I would get over it eventually, or perhaps it was because my parents always encouraged me telling me that they could see how hard it was for me and that they were proud of me for working so hard…perhaps that’s why it wasn’t as hard as it could have been…

In life there are times when it seems as if we’re gasping and can’t get enough air.

In life there are times when it seems as if we’re gasping for air. The times when the guy you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with ends up marrying someone else, or your favorite uncle in the world, the one that always told you how amazingly beautiful and brilliant you were, is killed by a drunk driver, or the job you moved around the world for tells you they no longer need you, or your parents that were your role models all your life tell you they’re getting a divorce…

These are the times when although you feel like you’ll never breathe again, you just have to force your lungs to breathe. These are when you find tears on your pillow and realize that you cried all night long…these are the times you wonder if anyone cares…

Breath dear, just breath. It’s not easy, and it may be a long time before it gets better, but trust me, it will get better. But only if you breathe…

Want some help dealing with loneliness? click here

If “getting married” was the end goal in life, I would have been married years ago…and again last year.

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If “getting married” was the end goal in life, I would have been married years ago…and again last year.

If “getting married” was the end goal, I would have slept with him, cajoled him, married him, and been miserable.

I would have been surprised when I realized his level of debt, depressed when he went to jail and devastated when I found out his addiction.

If “getting married” is your end goal, then do whatever you have to do to get married, but remember that when Disney says “happily ever after” when a couple gets married, they mean “now the work begins.”

Now the work begins for two people to learn to serve each other. Now the work begins for you to learn to really forgive because you’ll be hurt by this person in a way you’ve never been hurt before. Now the work begins for you to realize that not everyone squeezes the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, or washes their dishes when they finish eating, or places their dirty clothes in a hamper, when there is so much space on the floor. Now the work begins for you to no longer just decide what you want to do on the spur of the moment, but to plan and organize and reorganize your schedules….and this is all before the kids. Because after all, kids change everything.

Would you rather be miserable and married? Or would you rather be happily married?

Choosing one may mean you have to wait for a little bit longer, you have to deal with the loneliness a little bit longer. Choosing the other may mean you have to be miserable for the rest of your life.

dealing with loneliness? click here for help.