How to NOT COMFORT a grieving person

So there’s a grieving person around you… this person is crying…or maybe they are not crying, but they are very sad – they have lost someone that is near and dear to them. What should you NOT DO to comfort them

Amandine Defense via Compfight

  1. If you don’t have a close relationship, and you have never been a confidante to them, this is not the time to try to get close and ask them to share their heart with you. If they choose to, that’s fine, but don’t assume that they want to, just leave them alone, and pray for them when you are alone.
  2. If they are crying, please for the love of all things Kosher, don’t ask them to stop crying…let them cry, because they need to…yes big boys cry, yes big girls cry…yes when someone is grieving they may need to cry. Let them cry…let them roll on the floor, let them shout to high-heavens – whatever will let them deal with it and move on… if you don’t feel the urge to cry, then be thankful and leave the grieving person alone
  3. Don’t start telling stories about the person that is dead or about better days or any other silly thing – maybe later the grieving person may be ready to hear it, but now…now… just be quiet with them, or go on your merry way… either way they know you’ve tried.
  4. Last but not least, please don’t give them your pity – nobody needs your pity. Nobody needs your sadness.┬áIf they have invited you in, then just be quiet and let them know that you respect what they are going through. If they have not invited you in, then share your regards and move on…quickly… grieving people are not the most patient people
  5. Finally – I beg of you, don’t say that God allowed it to happen or that God may have known that something worse would happen so he did this. There is nothing worse than death. And God does not kill people or allow people to die, even if you believe that, keep your belief to yourself. It’s terrible to tell a grieving person that they should blame God for their sadness. Yes God is sovereign, in that he is Supreme, but he doesn’t control everything.


Hope that helps you understand a bit more about what a grieving person is going through. What are your thoughts?

Osayi is the Author of Impossible is Stupid (a book about living a fabulous life in every season), and she writes about how you can live a fulfilling life even if things don't turn out the way you expected them to. You can connect with her and find out more -